To All of The Loser's In The World...

...actually, I'm only going to address 4 of you tonight.

You're a disgrace to your gender.

First, to the "friend" who flirts shamelessly. I hate you for being charming. You lead me on and then lead me on some more. Not ok. You don't get to decide that you want me on a back burner just in case this new girl doesn't work out. No. You made your choice when you tried being sneaky. You're no good at sneaky. If you aren't interested, then DON'T ACT LIKE YOU ARE! It's truly not rocket science. Now that you have made your choice, we're not chummy. We were never actually "friends," let's be honest here...

Second, to the loser who knows he's a jacker. What you did was not ok and you know it. I thought I was over it, but it turns out a year and a half later I'm still ticked, but that's understandable because what you did was truly one of the worst things in the world. You had no right or reason to do what you did, and the fact that you just up and left when things were "tough" proves your character. I truly am better off without you. You deserve every single terrible thing that comes to you in this life. Karma's a bitch and she's coming after you with a vengeance.

Third, to the "friend" with no back bone. I don't know what part of the friendship memo you missed, but being "friends" requires standing up for each other. Even if you are best friends with the loser who knows he's a jacker, you don't just go along with the laughing. Saying things behind someone's back because they were "never supposed to get back to you" does NOT make it ok. When someone does something that messed up, you don't laugh and give them a pat on the back. I don't really care WHO they did it to. If something hurts one friend, it becomes both friend's fight. I guess that's how you find out who your real friends are though.

And finally, to the fair weather "friend." (When I say fair weather, I mean "when there's a possibility of us hooking up...") Just because we've been friends for years DOES NOT mean that you can treat me like crap. No. You don't get to respect me any less. True, we may have hooked up on a couple occasions, but that doesn't mean that it's EVER going to happen again, especially when you behave like a 15 year old girl when things don't go your way. You must have missed that lesson. You don't just cut people out. True, people do lousy things to each other, but let's be honest, you are NO saint.

As for all of you. Blaming you idiocy on being a man is not an excuse. Not all men are stupid. It's just you guys. Your bad choices are YOUR bad choices. You don't get to pawn them off on anyone else. No.

...phewf, I feel better now :)

Is It Love? Why Yes, Yes It Is...

I'm in love...

With EVERYTHING these days!!

First of all I'm in love with TLC as a whole network. It has my all time favorite shows on it: Sister Wives, Kate Plus 8, Cake Boss, and my new obsession Sarah Palin's Alaska. What a great all around channel.

Next, I'm re-in love with Alaska after watching Sarah's show...really though, I want to go there so bad that it's semi ridiculous. I've always wanted to go, but the itch is getting harder and harder to ignore!
I'm also in love with Sarah Palin's oldest son, he's dreamy.

Not to mention that I'm recently in love with....get ready for this one....Sarah Palin herself.

As I get older, I'm getting more conservative in my views (which, yes I know it's frightening. If I'm already mellowing out at 21 what on Earth am I going to be like 40 years from now??) and Mrs. Palin has some good core beliefs and values that are not so unlike my own. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are that I...like....the woman. Now, this is NOT to say that I agree with all of her politics, or all of her beliefs, but it's eerie just how much of what I believe is exemplified in her....

Oh man. I feel like I'm growing in leaps and bounds!
Good grief.

I also love Gossip Girl more than ever, it's like I can take out all of my aggression on a TV show instead of real people. What a deal. God bless the CW.

So, to round out this blog I guess that I'm just super duper in love with TV networks.

Yep, that's all that this post amounted to.



I need a hobby...

Liberation...

The feeling of no Facebook and a newly cleaned out contacts list on my phone is like a massive brick lifted off of my back!
Seriously though, this whole Sunday, I have almost floated through life.
What is it about Facebook that gives me that heavy feeling?
It's the fact that my real life wasn't getting lived I think.
It's ridiculous really, you can talk to someone online about doing things in the "real world" ...and nothing ever happens...
When did we start living in this alternate reality?
What does that say for our world...that some of us become "facebook friends" with people who you would generally never be friends with.
What sort of relationships are we building?
Not to mention that those relationships that were ended for a reason (old boyfriends, best friends, etc.) are now renewed through the glorious world wide web.
They were ended for a reason. Cyber stalking them is not serving any purpose except to prolong old wounds from healing.
I have personally never seen any good come of renewed relationships on facebook.

Now, having said all of this. I had a moment today where my heart hurt because of the lack of facebook.
Here's how it went...yesterday afternoon I posted on my Uncle Steve's wall for his birthday. My Uncle Steve lives in Southern England and honestly, facebook was the only connection that we had. Tonight my mother informed me that he had sent her a message telling her to tell me thank you.
Now, remember how I got out of that world to eliminate the round about way of communicating?
It seems that now I've created a new problem for myself.
Facebook was the only connection that I had to my family in England.
Now what am I supposed to do?
I love my family over there and I miss them and it was kind of nice having that connection!
So, it makes me wonder, what if I only had facebook for super close friends and my family?
And I never made status updates?
Or posted pictures?

...but then doesn't that defeat the entire purpose of the social networking site that we all love to hate?

Maybe I should just get back on to let them know that they can follow my blog?
I do love my blog after all.

Life is rough.

On a happier note, with my newly found free time today I found that I had time to study somethings that I had been thinking about for a while.
I also went sledding with my sister and brother.
And I went to scripture study.

I had TIME.

It's weird that I seemed to have more time today than other days.
You know what the difference was?
I didn't spend all day on the computer.

I hadn't really realized just how addicting this great machine could be, until I watched as it slowly took over the lives of my family members.
We can't seem to function without it.
Really though.
How sad is that?

There's an entire world out there for the taking and we, as a society, let it pass by as we keep up to date, minute to minute through technology.

I'm begining to believe that technology is a double edged sword.

Finally, I want to once again publicly pay tribute to possibly my favorite artist of all time, Mr. Michael Franti.
No one else's music speaks so directly to my soul while letting me groove so easily.
Thank you for shedding your light on this world through your music.
No one else lifts my soul in the same way.
Not to mention that he's an activist and an all around inspiring person.
Seriously though, check him out.
You'll be in love too.

http://michaelfranti.com/

Cheers
XOXO

I Did It...

Oh man guys, I finally did it. I put my money where my mouth is and I deleted my facebook...and DANG DOES IT FEEL GOOD!!!
I feel so liberated!
Yeah, it's going to kind of suck not having all of those contacts, but you know what? If they want to talk to me bad enough, they'll do it in person.
I also did a cleanse of my contacts on my phone. I deleted every single lame person in there on top of the people that I don't talk to anymore.
That feels super good too!!
That's really all that I had to say :)

Oh, I Get It...

So, I was watching my favorite show, Parenthood, and I really truly LOVE Zeke and Camille's house on the show. As in, I love it so much that I want to style everything in my life around it. Yeah I love it that much. You want to see pictures? Sure. Here they are :)

You don't really get a feel for the inside of the house from these pictures, but it's super great too. I guess you'll just have to watch the show to see what I'm talking about (no really, watch it. It's great.) Anyways, I decided that my room needed a little something extra, so naturally I began thinking of all of the things that I could possibly add to make my room any better, although I kind of dig it how it is. Then it dawned on me, LIGHTS! Everyone knows that the light/fan in my room hasn't worked in a while now, and I only have one other lamp in my room. So, I went to good old Target and bought some $6 lights there and (if I do say so myself) it turned out pretty well!! :)

Anyways, if/when I add anything else, I will be sure to let you guys know!!
Peace

Courage...

"Take all my vicious words and turn them into something good.
Take all my preconceptions and let the truth be understood.
Take all my prized posessions and leave only what I need.
Take all my pieces of doubt and let me be what's underneath.
Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway.
Courage is when you're in pain but you keep on living anyway.
We all have excuses why we're living in fear something in us dies.
Like a bird with broken wings it's not how high he flies, but the song he sings.
Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway.
Courage is when you're in pain but you keep on living anyway.
It's not how many times you've been knocked down, it's how many times you get back up.
Courage is when you've lost your way but you find your strength anyway.
Courage is when you're afraid.
Courage is a burning faith.
Courage is when you make a change and you keep on living anyway.
You keep on giving anyway.
You say you're in pain but you keep on moving.
You keep on loving anyway."

L.O.V.E...

Instead of feeling anger, I'm choosing to feel love.
Instead of feeling fear, I'm choosing to feel love.
Instead of feeling hopeless, I'm choosing to feel love.
Instead of feeling aggitated, I'm choosing to feel love.
Instead of feeling pressured, I'm choosing to feel love.
Instead of feeling animosity, I'm choosing to feel love.
Instead of feeling petty, I'm choosing to feel love.

I really, truly deep down in my heart know that LOVE is the only thing in the world that matters. It doesn't matter what else you do to try and substitute it, LOVE trumps all. Nothing can replace it. Nothing can replicate it. LOVE towards the people around me. LOVE towards the creatures on this crazy journey with me. LOVE for my plants. LOVE for the weather. LOVE for nature. LOVE for other feelings and emotions and the growing that they bring. LOVE for things that make me feel alive.

LOVE is everything.
Aroha.

Hello Winter...

I woke up this morning to rain.
Rain which very quickly turned into snow.
Ugh.
Don't get me wrong, snow is great...between Thanksgiving and New Years...any other time though, it just should not be allowed.
To compound the situation I had a day off today.
I don't really so much love days off.
It's good on the one hand because I got to catch up with laundry and I got to work on some art stuff, but I just get really bored!!
So, in a state of mourning for the lost sunshine, I decided that the best way to keep a little ray of it in my heart was to go tanning.
Those 10 minutes in the tanning bed were pure bliss (discounting that nagging thought in the back of my head that I was possibly knocking off days of my life down the road), and the euphoria lasted for around another 2 minutes once I was back in the drizzling cold.
Then the dismal feeling settled right back into my heart and I was left no better off than before I took a gamble with skin cancer.
Now, this may be a lesson that many of you learned long ago, but I had a major life lesson break through about an hour ago!
I was sitting around feeling lousy about this Monday when the thought crossed my mind that I should get a book from the library. As I prepared to drag myself to my car, a little idea from deep down in the recesses of my mind popped up.
Why don't you walk there?
Well, it's cold for one. And it's raining. And when do I ever walk to the library?
Then I looked at the scenario that I was facing for the rest of the day...a whole lot of nothing and decided, why not?
But if I was going to walk in this weather, I was going to do it in style!
So, I donned my super fly rain boots that I purchased while in Oxford and got out the most colorful umbrella that I could find, I grabbed my ipod and my library card, and I was on my way!
My English family would be proud if they had seen me.
Then the most amazing thing happened...
I was purely, blissfully HAPPY.
I was feeling so good about life, having EMBRACED the weather that I truly smiled the whole way to the library!
Oh man.
This was a new concept for me.
I seem to have been wired to "rebel against everything whethere it's a good idea or not" And that carried over into changing seasons too aparently...
But here I was, going with the flow, and conforming to the seasons, and loving every single second of it!
Now, I'm not advocating conformity, but let's be honest, the weather's going to change with or without my permission.
Then I started toying with the idea of letting go more often. Who really wants to be in control and bossy all of the time? Not me.
Hmmmmm....it's given me a lot to think about :)
I loved this moment so much that I thought I'd share it with all of you.
I was going to just draw a picture of my stroll for you, but then I ran into Miss Sheri Echols and she offered to take a picture of my ensemble....
I hope you really get the feeling of pure happiness that I had as you listen to this song (which is in fact the same song that I was listening to on my walk) and look at the pictures.
Cheers!
XOXO

Feeling? Love and Happiness and....

You know what's a funny feeling?
Getting your zest for life back after you've given into a dark patch in life.
It's this amazing phenomina, when you can literally FEEL the light creeping back into the picture, beam by beam. It's really, really awesome.
It comes in all shapes and forms.
Through a song that hits the right cord in your heart. (Haha, get it? A cord?)
A moment of pure, un-polluted love for someone or something.
The excitement of new friends that you have a desire to get to know.
A nice little crush. (Although this one is maddening and exciting at the same time.)
It's so amazing to literally FEEL the spirit in my life again.
I had let myself get so overwhelmed with everything going on in my life, that I had forgotten how to keep my feet firmly planted on any foundation, let alone the right one! But, oh man, the moment that you allow the spirit back into your life, a whole world of possibilities and hope open up to you.
It's no longer fighting for every step that you get, and seeing no further ahead than today.
It's getting excited for the future and the possibilites that lay ahead.
No matter how big things seem now, fact of the matter is that what doesn't kill you WILL make you stronger.
One day I will be able to look back at these moments as huge growing spurts for me.
Question is, which direction will I grow?
I'll tell you where I'm going to grow. I'm going towards my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
He's the only way.
Since the moment that I asked for strength and help, I have FELT the weight that I'd been shouldering literally being lifted. I have had divine help getting through the last little bit. Without the light of Christ I was angry at everyone and everything. I had no desire to strive for anything. I had no real hope for the future and found no REAL joy in living.
Now I'm excited again. I am so madly in love with my life that it's on the verge of an obsession. But you know what? It's an obsession that I welcome.
I have this ONE life to live.
In a lesson today it was said that "This isn't a dress rehersal. This is your life. Get living!"
So SO true.
Another great quote that was shared was, "An unexpected life is a life none the less."
Looking back on my life, and seeing all that has happened and events that have shaped me, I can't help but laugh when I see how NOT according to my plan things have gone.
But don't they say that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans?
I'm just begining to realize how insanely true that statement is.
I can't tell you what is going to happen in the future, and you know what? I'm finally to a place that I'm ok with that.
I am not about to spend my life sitting around waiting for it to start.
THIS IS IT.
This is MY life.
I have one shot.
This is my re-commitment to living my life.
I think that part of loving the life that I'm living is to love myself.
That's a hard one sometimes, especially these days when we have people all around us telling us what is beautiful and acceptable.
It's really easy to get caught up in where our flaws are, and even easier to not be able to see what is really beautiful about each of us as individuals.
My first step towards MY life?
My life motto:

I am EXTRAORDINARY.
I meant to accomplish PHENOMINAL things in this life.
I am made to LOVE my life unconditionally.
I am UN-DEFINEABLE because I am absolutely UNIQUE.
EVERYTHING happens to make me grow, to expand my horizons and my understanding and to make me capable of greater and deeper love.
I believe in OPPORTUNITIES at every crossroad.
I believe in following your HEART and not popular opinion.
I will not merely survive this life, I will LOVE this life.
Every year, every day, every minute, every second is mine to ENJOY.

Isn't it great? Anything can happen...
I LOVE MY LIFE :)

NoVeMbEr...

I really love this month.
Actually, I love the next 3 months.

February is a different story, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
This month everyone focuses on being thankful, which is something that I at least TRY to do everyday.
I have found that when I am thankful, I have a more positive outlook on life in general. A while ago I started trying to notice things as I'm driving that I'm thankful for and sending a mini message to the big guy upstairs telling him thanks. You know what I found?

A) Everyday I found more and more things to be thankful for
and
B) My super bad road rage has cooled down quite a bit!
It's amazing really.
The people on the road are no different. The routes I take to certain places are the same as well, but my outlook has changed through being thankful.
It's such a powerful concept really, if you're not being thankful then you're being greedy, no?
I have been blessed in my life to have so much given to me and so many chances to do great things!
What am I thankful for today?

This beautiful month and the fall weather.
My super groovy family.
My awesome friends who are there for me no matter what.
The gospel, I don't even want to think where I'd be without it.
Nitro and Daisy and the unconditional love they have for me.
Having a job in this economy.
Living in a coutry where I am free to think, believe, say and live what I want.
For the amazing men and women who volunteer to defend this country of ours, their sacrifice and service never cease to amaze me.

My health, all things considered, I'm holding up remarkably well!
There are SO many things to be thankful for!! :)