And So It Begins...

Well, this is it. I am through with Zions and tonight I'm leaving to start my road tripping adventure! How does this make me feel? Let me tell you. First of all, this is the first time since I was 16 that I haven't had a steady source of income. I have come to the conclusion that this is a double edged sword. The feeling of not having a job and not working for anyone is LIBERATING! It's truly the most amazing feeling in the world! Then there's the fact that I don't have any money coming in. This semi stresses me out a little bit because whether I like it or not, in this world that we live in, money is sort of a requirement. But it's fine. A month or two of training and then I'll be getting even more money than I have made at my other jobs. It will be fine.

Next, I get to get out there and see the country!! Just think about this for a minute. When everyone back here in Utah wakes up in the morning, I'll be in Barstow, California. Then the next morning when you wake up, I'll be in Sacramento. Then the next morning when you wake up WHO KNOWS where I'll be?? How ridiculously cool is that? I know, I know, it's pretty ridiculous. Not to mention almost completely perfect for me because, let's be honest, I am not known for my love of the known/stable.

Another great part of this whole gig? It's warm where I'm going. It's sunny where I'm going. There's not much, if any snow, where I'm going. Yeah, it's THAT great. I'm taking my longboard with me and a soccer ball and I get to chill with the windows down and the sun warming me up instead of a heater while sketching the abundant supply of palm trees.

To sum all of this up in one sentence....

I am so insanely in love with my life right now that it's almost not fair.
But someone has to do it, so I'll take one for the team I guess :)

Aroha everyone, lots of love.

Soundtrack For My Life...

Alright, I have to admit, I was inspired to write this blog after the seed of this idea had been planted on a recent road trip. The question is, if there was a soundtrack to my life, what would it consist of? Well, I thought about it long and hard and the following songs are what I came up with, you should probably listen and enjoy :)

1. The Sound of Sunshine-Michael Franti
I put this one first on purpose, it's the only one that has an actual order on my list. I did this because if I had to wake up to one song for the rest of my life, this would be the one. I love it. It is the most perfectly encompassing song for my life as a whole.

2. Stand-Rascal Flatts
This song describes the hard times in life that everyone has, but it's the way that I try to face those times. Plus these guys are the band that I've seen live the most.

3. Forever Young-Bob Dylan
If I was going to have an opening credits song for my life, this would be it. I want to stay forever young.

4. The Boys Of Summer (the remix)-The Ataris
This song reminds me of summer and growing up, and there is no more perfect song for the most sacred season of the year.

5. Blood on Blood-Bon Jovi
This song is how I feel about my super close girlfriends, I would do anything for those girls!

6. 19 and Crazy-Bomshel
This is the song that really inspired me to start living my life on the edge and not be so conservative. Every time I listen to it, it makes me want to get out and live!

7. Lessons Learned-Carrie Underwood
If you listen to the lyrics on this one, you'll understand why it's on my list. It's how the things in our lives should be taken.

8. Life Is Beautiful-Vega4
This song is beautiful lyrics and music wise. I just love it.

9. I'm Still Good-Hannah Montana
I had to include one of her songs, I just had to, and this one was the most applicable to my life.

10. About Life-Julianne Hough
I listen to this song and just have to smile to myself when I see how eerily similar it is to my life!

11. Wild At Heart-Gloriana
This is how I always want to stay, wild at heart. Even when I'm old and grey.

12. Faster Than My Angels Can Fly-Eric Church
This is a super new addition, but it's how I feel my life is when I think about any guardian angels that I may have :)

13. I Survived You-Clay Aiken
Ok, this doesn't mean that I'm a "claymate" or anything, but this song is for the feeling that you get after your heart has been literally broken, and that has happened to me on several occasions, as much as I hate to admit it.

14. American Soldier-Toby Keith
This is on the list because I have a special place in my heart for military personal...I really do love our soldiers!
15. Fall For Anything-The Script
This song made the cut because it almost perfectly fits a rather relevant time period in my life. Enough said.

16. Gypsy-Shakira
This song is how I want to always live my life!!! I don't ever want to be tied down! I love it!

....and last but surely not least....

17. Chances-Five For Fighting
I just love this song so much, and it always reminds me of a fun trip to Zions and the choices that followed and makes me want to get out and explore the world and broaden the horizons of my life!!

I have changed my play list to include all of these songs, so you should probably listen to them all and think of me as you do :)

*AROHA*

Some People...

...make me smile even though I don't know them, like the little Hawaiian boy walking home carrying his ukulele. Definitely made me smile :)

...probably shouldn't open their mouths. If you only have judging negative things to say about others and your superiority to them, just don't.

...shouldn't be acting super friendly when they have a girlfriend. Just sayin. You made your choice and it wasn't me, therefore we are done.

...shouldn't try so hard to not be normal. You know? As in mainstream. Being one of the crowd isn't always a bad thing. Things are popular because people like them. It's not a conspiracy, I promise.

...this one's sort of weird, if you don't know what I'm talking about you've just never had this experience. ...are infatuating, as in you don't know them all that well, yet you are drawn to them. You couldn't explain it to save your life, but you want to be with them. Who knows why. They're a terrible idea. But you can't help yourself, you feel like a seventh grader with a crush again, the only good news in this scenario is that you're old enough now to be able to actively stop yourself from doing crazy stalker things now. For the most part...

...always make me laugh. Like Stuart. He's so hilarious that I don't even care that he's a 50-ish year old man pretending to be a little boy. Super weird? Yes, but also super funny.

I think that's it. But I'll leave you with this video clip of Stuart so that we can all agree he's hilarious together :)

Aroha

This Is Me...

Hi. My name is Jamie Rachelle Graham.
I love my life, the messy bits and all.
I cannot commit to anything to save my life, and I'm ok with that.
I get stir crazy when things are normal and mundane, so sometimes excitement has to be created. It's fine, really.
I am a huge animal fan/advocate, I honest to goodness love them all equally.
I don't eat meat, as of a month ago officially.
I have eleven plants in my room, there's always room for more, that's what I always say.
I have a Bob Marley poster on the back of my door because I like him a lot, even though I honestly don't know all that much about the guy, but it's fine. Don't worry about it. His music is great.
I am quitting my good job to become a truck driver for a little bit because I feel like it, and that's really the only reason.
I love pictures, taking them, being tagged in them, looking through photo albums, it doesn't matter, I love them.
My favorite color is green, but I like silver second best.
I like kissing. A lot. Sometimes this gets me into trouble, but I don't care, I like it all the same.
I have a tattoo. It says Ne Oublie and it's across my right rib cage. I love it.
Sometimes I ditch church to get a Dr. Pepper with my friend and you know what? I enjoy every second of it.
I think Buddha and Lao Tzu were two of the smartest men ever. This does not mean that I love Jesus any less. I love him too.
If I don't answer a text you send me, don't send another one. I hate that.
I only jog when I'm angry. So if you see me out there running, it's probably a good idea to run the other direction.
My room is my favorite place on Earth. I love it a whole lot.
If you don't like my animals, don't tell me and don't let it show or that's it, you're gone. Don't believe me? Try it.
I HATE it when someone you're dating says "Hey you, it's me." I will literally break up with you on the spot, no joke.
Stuart from Mad TV is the funniest thing on the whole planet.
I love yoga, really I do. But don't judge that by how often I actually pull out that mat and get into one of those poses, or you probably wouldn't believe me.
I believe in karma with my whole heart. What you give to the universe is absolutely going to come back to you tenfold.
My life is a process, always changing and evolving, and I really, truly, deeply, madly love it.
...
This is me.

Titles...

I haven't blogged in a while, I just haven't really been feeling it.

Nothing really has happened. Except that we adopted a kitten, yep, the cat gods wanted us to have a cat because she fell into our laps. I went to Wendover with Jade, Cord, Rigby and Paul. That was fun too. That's about it.

Sometimes I look at my life and think that it's not nearly exciting enough. I feel like I should have more titles that come after my name, you know? But then I start thinking about it and I like the ones that I have.

I am completely happy being Jamie- the plant nurturing, incense burning, animal adopting, vegetable eating, sun worshiping, belly laughing, deer saving, un-committing, soon to be truck driving, longboarding freak.

Yeah. I like the sound of that.
Aroha-lots of love to everyone!
XOXO

Who on Earth Knows...

I don't know what the deal is lately, but my life has become a completely new place to live! The way I see and perceive things, the way I feel things, the way things appear in my life and the feelings I have towards events in my life. Who knew that I could keep surprising myself even after twenty-two years of living with myself?
One of the biggest shifts in thought patterns that I have noticed is my restlessness with the typical "life" that the majority of people around me live. I don't know what's changed, or what set me on this course of thinking, maybe it was just programmed into me to be set off right now in life? Whatever it is, there is not an hour that goes by that I don't observe the people surrounding me and see them with their 9-5 jobs, their houses and families, all living within a 50 mile radius on this whole earth and (get this) they're happy to be living like that. True story. This had never really given me cause to despair before a couple of months ago, but now I want to SCREAM! I can't live like that. As I go to work every day at the bank, I can almost literally feel the life being sucked out of me for the hours that I'm there. Not that I don't enjoy the people around me (for the most part), it's just that I stand there for up to nine hours at a time, performing a routine over, and over, and over again. I know that my job is not the only one like that either. I know that's the majority of jobs that people have. Now, I want to put out a disclaimer of sorts here, if that's something that is going to make you happy then, by all means, go for it. I just know that this is not going to be enough for me. It's impossible for me to describe this feeling adequately, it's just this churning inside of me, that keeps getting bigger and bigger and isn't going away. It's always sort of been there, but now it's impossible for me to ignore.
I think I just love the unknown. I love not knowing how something is going to turn out. I love being able to create a situation, or life, all my own. How empowering is that? I'm in control of how my life turns out. I really hate that we're all so programmed to think that without a paper saying we've (literally) paid and worked away a portion of our lives, that we're a failure. I don't buy that for a minute. What if I don't live past 24 and I spent all of that time working and slaving for something that NEVER gets to be mine? I've heard lately a couple of people from high school voice how unhappy they are with their lives so far, either because of choices they've made or how they've been slaving away for a degree. What if they were to die tomorrow? That's really how they spent their lives? No. That's not alright.
I believe that life is meant to be enjoyed while learning lessons. So you made a couple bad choices, raise your hand if you haven't. We've all been there. It's all in your attitude about it and what you learned from it. Plus, a lot of great stories from my life stem from some terrible calls. It's all part of the course. Getting hung up on those things is only going to cause grief. I would personally rather live my life happily than regretting all of the things that I've done.
I guess what I really wanted to say in this long post is that I'm super happy to only have 3 weeks left of my soul being drained at the bank and I really, truly cannot WAIT to hit the road and try a different adventure!
Love,
Jamie

Sometimes I Stress Myself Out...

I love my life. Really, I do. But sometimes, when I really start thinking (I know, this is dangerous ground), I start thinking about where I should be compared to others my age. I think about my education, which at this point is virtually non-existent. I think about my spirituality, which coincidentally is about at the same place as my education at this moment. I think about my career path so far, quitting a "real" job to become a trucker...yeah, that's pretty typical. I think about my romantic life in comparison to friends who are already married and having babies, we're not really on the same playing field right now. All of these thoughts, every now and then, whir around in my head and just won't stop!

So here I sit, after trying unsuccessfully to get to sleep for a couple of hours, it's almost one o clock, contemplating my life. You know what? I couldn't define it, or explain it even if I had to. I don't know where I'm going, or which direction I'm heading and as much as I love the element of surprise that comes with living like that, every now and then, the silence of the sleepless night creeps up and I start stressing. Maybe this is just the way it goes, the grass is greener syndrome in action, but thinking that doesn't help calm my worries.

What if I'm missing out on the life that I should be living? What if I'm heading in the complete opposite direction of my pre-destined course? Do I even have a pre-destined course? Am I going to look back on this segment of my life and regret how I played my hand? Should I not be dropping everything to chase some random dream? Should I be buckling down and plowing ahead with an education that I'm just not feeling? Is there more that I can be doing to find my spirituality again? Or is this just a lul, everyone has those right?
Mostly, as I sit here, venting my frustrations to the world, I just wonder why I'm wasting so much time and energy worrying about these things? Why can't I just always, 100% of the time love the life that I'm living? I have been an active creator in this life, so why am I never completely satisfied? These are things that I have chosen for myself, shouldn't I be completely satisfied?

...then I sit back and think about all of these questions, and I smile to myself as I realize that doubts are part of the experience. Second guessing your decisions is part of the whole adventure I think. If there was no danger of failing, there would be no reward in succeeding would there? And if there were no success, there would be no sense of fulfilment and in turn happiness.

So, just minutes after sitting down to write, I leave with a renewed patience with myself. If I weren't thinking these things through, that's when I should be worried. For now, I'm just going to smile at these thoughts and let them keep on chattering to themselves, but as for me, I'm planning on catching some shut eye because tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life after all, and I should probably be well rested for it :)

Aroha