Week 1: Calm Energy

So, this New Years, my resolution is to get my energy back under control. That doesn't mean that I'm trying to calm down. I'm talking about my whole energy. My aura if you will. Because when I started thinking about the last year, I can't help but admit that the mood I have carried with me for the majority of the year has been chaotic. (I apologize to all those poor people that I was closely associated with, that shit really rubs off on others.) I don't want to be that girl. I want to be the other girl, you know, the one who is always super happy and just radiates sunshine out of her ass.

So I've come up with a game plan. For the next year (or as long as resolutions usually last...) I'm going to focus on cultivating different energy in myself. I'm going to change it up every week as well, because no one wants to have the same energy all of the time.

The first energy that I'm working on? Calm energy. I'm not going to lie, I picked this one first for Ollie as much as myself. That dog just soaks up however I'm feeling. If I'm agitated, he's agitated. If I'm relaxed he is too (unless there's a tennis ball around, then not so much). I end up getting frustrated with him and he reads that and becomes upset as well and then we are just a right old mess.

Well, that's the case no more! From now on (or the next week at the very least) we are going to be the epitome of peace and serenity. 

Namaste Olympus.

We truly are twins.

Links, links, links...

Shut up guys, remember this post from February 2012? (You probably don't, and even though it wasn't an epic blog post, it was something that I was very passionate about.) It was clearly a premonition on my part. 

(The following is a brief inner workings of my mind tour.)

Yesterday I was feeling really blah. I'm over waiting for things to happen. Waiting for Christmas. Waiting for Florida. Waiting for everything *said in an overly dramatic tone*. Then my sister brought the moon water inside from the night before. (Moon water 101 link) which got me started thinking about how out of balance I am right now. That thought process led me to remember when I was little and discovered this guy on Reading Rainbow. It was then that I knew I had a past life. That thought process led me to discover this book that I have been reading/taking to heart. It talks about how we all need to live in harmony with nature and our environment in order to grow and be at peace in life. Then I watched a documentary called Kingdom of the Blue Whale tonight on National Geographic Wild and that brought me back to my post from almost two years ago. 

At the time that I wrote that post, I would take the book Oceana to work at the bank and leave it open on the counter next to me so that I could read it in between clients-I was obsessed. I wanted so badly to hop on the "ocean conservation" bandwagon and move to the coast to make a difference. The major problem that I ran into at the time was that I was living in Utah. Utah just happens to be a landlocked state...but now I am going to be living right on the coast. Granted it isn't the coast that I was hoping for, I was thinking more along the lines of California, but it's the coast of the ocean.

Oceana website and video

^This^ is the organization that sparked my interest in ocean conservation. (I saw Ted Danson talk about this on the Ellen show, so really I have Ellen to thank for all good things in my life, that's why I think that she should be our next president..side note.) Before I read this book I found the ocean completely terrifying. I was that girl that didn't live anywhere near the ocean but had legitimate nightmares when she was younger about sharks. I just don't really love the fact that there are parts (ok, most) of the ocean that I can't see from my vantage point on the surface. There is no way to know what is stalking you from down there. No bueno. Then I read this book and had an "a ha" moment realizing that there is a bit more to the ocean ecosystem than sharks and whales. There's actually quite a bit going on down there. 

Skip ahead a year and a half and I found myself a guy whose family pretty much lives on the ocean in Florida. I don't mean that they sometimes visit the beach and splash around. I mean that he works on boats at the marina where they fish for things-not lake things like in Utah-but ocean things, like rays and stuff when they have down time. I mean that for fun outings they go out in a boat shark fishing, who does that? The people that I'm going to be spending a lot of time with for the next little while is who. 

It's funny how the universe sets us on paths that we don't understand at the time, but prepare us for the future isn't it?  

To wrap this entire post up, I am so excited to be able to spend more time getting to know the ocean and all of the crazy a*% stuff that's floating around down there!! I'm about to take the term "animal lover" to a whole new extreme. 

(The bf already told me that we could not in fact keep the small shark that he caught the other day in our bathtub. We'll see how long he can hold his ground...) 

I imagine that this is a routine sight when you live on the coast.
Those dolphins better not disappoint.

A Very Merry Christmas...

This entire last year has been one of complete chaos. It's been absolute madness. Since January 1st, it just hasn't seemed to stop or slow down enough to even appreciate all of the good things that have been happening in among the insanity. Everything has been in such disarray across the board with my people! There have been new boyfriends/girlfriends, new babies, breakups, houses, sicknesses, new jobs, you name it, it's happened in 2013.

Seeing how everything else this year has been flying past, I was concerned that this holiday season was going to fly by without my being able to enjoy it. It has flown by really quickly, but by some Christmas miracle, it's also been one of the most fantastic holiday seasons that I can remember. I don't know whether it's the knowledge that this may be the last Christmas for a while that the whole family is together or what, but I've had more moments of calm and love in the last month than I have in the entire year combined. 

I've had just these moments where time seems to slow down and I can just take in the moment-I can't think of a time that I've needed that more. It started with a brilliant Thanksgiving filled with good people, good food and good wine. It truly topped my "best Thanksgiving ever" list. It's carried over to a December full of my nearest and dearest people, which has been the thing that I have wanted the very most since deciding that January would be the month of the big cross country move. I've been very blessed that everything has sort of fallen into place, giving me the opportunity to have the most time possible with those that I hold dearest before there are many miles between us (with the exception of one very special person, but I figure he's the reason that I'm going to be missing everyone back here-he can give me one month of enjoying everyone else!). 

One of the things that I've found the most calming is that from twenty four years worth of forming relationships with people in this area, the ones that I have naturally been spending all of my time with for the last month are the ones that are closest to my heart (those people from a few weeks ago, my soul mates). That's not to say that there aren't a whole bunch of people that I will miss at different times, but I've really enjoyed being a homebody and sticking close to my core people. I haven't been going out to big parties, or getting dressed up for dinners in the city-I've been bundled up at home as the snow has been flying, or venturing out for sodas at Arby's while wearing sweats. It's been phenomenal.

It's given me time to come to terms with things that I will be leaving behind (the mountains, Cafe Rio dressing, In-n-Out grilled cheese sandwiches, the view from the back door, even the snow), and to really enjoy them while I still can. I can't even tell you how many times I've caught myself daydreaming as I enjoy the beauty that Utah has to offer. It's also reminded me how nice being calm and peaceful is. New things are exciting, and I do love a good adventure, but I am so excited to get back to some sense of normality once I get to Florida. 

But in the meantime, there is nowhere that I would rather be than here in this winter wonderland that I will always call home, surrounded by my most treasured friends and family. I hope that everyone is having a very very merry Christmas like I am.

Ok Now He Was Close, Tried To Domesticate You...

...but what about when that really happens, when you become domestic?

I've recently discovered that I'm in love with Sex and the City (guys, it's totally fine that I'm a solid decade behind being "hip"). For those of you who aren't super familiar with the show's concept, Carrie is a columnist for a newspaper and she writes about sex and relationships. There is a quote from that show that I have loved for years, and that I considered my dating mantra if you will:

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed, maybe they were meant to run free until they find someone to run free with them."

It worked for me. I was awesome at not committing and "running wild."

The problem with all of that is that I found guys that were really good at that as well. We were perfect for each other at the time, just "keeping it casual" and "nothing serious." Those relationships were fun, and they produced some great memories, but they didn't have any staying power. I thought I was ok with that, probably because I just didn't know any better at the time. 

Then, a cocky marine came up to me at a bar on a girls night...

I'd love to say that the rest is history and that it's been a happy ending ever since...but that's not how it has gone at all. It's been crazy, insane, right out of a Hollywood blockbuster to be honest with you. But there has just been something about us that's been bizarre (in a totally good way) and just really familiar. We met at probably the worst possible time in his life-there was a hell of a lot going on there that needed to be taken care of, but when you care about someone I've found out that you're willing to forgive and to wait for them to get to the place that they want to be for you.

I guess this is my way of telling the world that my game plan is to move to Florida here in the next couple of months. Is it controversial to those who know me? Yeah. Is everyone in my circle super happy about the idea? No. Are they doing their best to be respectful and supportive? They're trying. I think Eleanor Roosevelt put it nicely when she said, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyways." When it comes down to it, for the first time in my life my heart and my gut are both on the same page. 

Along with this move comes the realization that my life is about to become a whole lot more "domestic" than it has ever been. This took me a minute or two to become comfortable with, but now I'm really excited. I'm excited to be that girl that cooks dinners at night, and who decorates her house for the seasons. I'm over the idea of going to bars and meeting random guys who just bring a whole lot of drama to the table. For the first time in my life, I have a better option, one that I really love.

So, I've adopted a new mantra for my life, because that's what growing up is, it's adjusting to what works for you at different points in your life,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzV1TgTfZUg

AROHA

My Past Life...

So, I'm pretty much convinced that I was a Native American in a past life. I mean, let's look at the facts here:

-I'm in my element in nature, seriously, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than on some mountain camping or at some lake fishing (but not catching fish of course, the universe knows that I couldn't handle that).

-I really want to just save the whole planet. Not the people on the planet, just literally Earth, I feel a connection to her that's weird for an American in the 21st century, like Pocahontas feels when she's singing Colors Of The Wind or talking to grandmother Willow.

-Speaking of Pocahontas, when I'm chasing my dogs through the forest because they saw a bunny, I definitely feel like I am her, leaping over boulders and ducking under branches and such...

...thinking about it now, maybe I WAS Pocahontas! Clearly that must be it.

Seriously though, the more that I think about the concept of having lived previous lives, the more it just makes sense in my head. I don't prescribe to organized religion and I haven't ever had any real beliefs about a life before or after this one, but the idea that my soul keeps doing this in different ways over and over is oddly comforting to me. (Next bullet point list, go!)

-I am very selective and in turn passionate about "my people," I truly believe that this isn't our first rodeo together. There's just no logical reason that some of those people and I should be together, and feel that connection, in this life which leads me to believe that we've done some epic shit together in the past.

-There are just some people that I don't feel like I'm meant to be with in this life, but there's a weird familiarity to them that I attribute to great love at some other point in our existences. I've never believed in all of that "the one" nonsense. This does not mean that I don't love my significant other with my whole heart, really, I adore the guy. It just means that in this life, at this time we're meant to continue our saga (I can tell you right now that we have absolutely got more of a past than we can't remember specifically, I would bet on it).

-Those little things that I'm weird about, or that I love or feel a draw to, that haven't been a big part of my life are things that I think I've been around in another life. Like pirates for example, I love them. (I was either around pirates at some point in a past life, or my love for Jack Sparrow is just insanely out of control...) No but seriously, like Spirit Animals, ancient Egypt (I was probably Cleopatra...), and native religions (shamans and herbal medicine and such). Then there are other things that I feel no connection to (like Asian countries, as hard as I try, I really just don't have a passion to travel there), that I just put down to the fact that I haven't had any interactions with those things in the past-that's not to say that I won't in the future, just not now.

All of this came up again recently in my life after a good friend of mine wrote a paper about a past life, and it made me consider the fact that I might not be the only person in the world who believes this stuff. 

Then I re-watched Cloud Atlas (one of my favorite movies) and the deal was sealed. I need to look into these ideas more....

I don't think "soul mate" is a term just for the person
that you commit to, I have lots of "soul mates."

On Growing Up...

...sounds like it's going to be a noble post, right?

It's not.

Mostly it's going to be complaining.

Growing up is hard. There are responsibilities and stuff that come along with it. People expect you to act grownup as well as just being grownup. Society thinks that I have the capacity to make life altering decisions. When did this happen? I started screaming when the Spice Girls reunited at the Olympic ceremonies last year, enough said. 

(Adults use the bullet point system to organize thoughts. Watch this.)

-Relationships of all shapes and sizes get more complicated. Those friends that you pinky promised with that you would never grow apart from? Yeah, the most interaction you have with them anymore is Facebook stalking and the occasional, "We should do lunch" text. Since when did we get old enough to "do lunch?" That was for old ladies in pantsuits not all that long ago. Plus making new friends at this age is odd, there's no such thing as "hanging out," there's planned out double dates, or play dates (I'm attending my very first one of those this week, solo. Not sure how I feel about this....) and other grown up appropriate activities.

-When you're in high school, the most drama you get in a relationship is, "Oh. My. God. Did you really talk to Suzie last period? Are you trying to ruin my life?" Then you get to this stage in life and you have long term education and career plans, previous relationships, kids, etc. to deal with. And that's all on top of your own issues (I don't have any of course, but I've heard that other people do) to take into account when you're deciding who you want to gamble on. There's also the fact that relationships now go places, as in they get serious. The commitment-phobe in me dies a little even writing that. 

-There seems to be a time table of having your life figured out that we're all supposed to be on, like buying a house and having a baby-I'm sitting here at 24 (and 1/2) and I'm still wandering. Don't get me wrong, I'm owning being aimless, but it gets old explaining to people that I'm very happy following my heart, thankyouverymuch. 

-To top it all off there's the fact that you find a conscious, and who really wants one of those anyways? 

*steps off of soap box*

Here's the kicker, even with all of the previously addressed topics, growing up is kind of awesome. Those relationships that are super hard, are also really amazing. As scary as long term commitments can be with your significant other, the payoff is absolutely worth it, you'll love them more than you imagined was possible. (Turns out that stud from third period math was not in fact the only man you would ever love...I was just so sure!) Connections that are made with people go deeper than you could ever have imagined they could. Hanging out with your best friend's kids is the most fun you have on any given day. Double (or even triple) dates are a blast, because you're surrounded by the people that you care about, and in turn with the ones that they care about. 

The possible roads you can take in life are so many that it's almost overwhelming. That is so so cool though. Because as much as having my parents take care of all of my bills was nice, and being required to attend high school (as loosely as I used that required word at the time) gave a sense of security-being in control of life is pretty awesome. 

Terrifying, but awesome.  

Just a helpful hint to remember as you "grow up."

The Universe Sure Is Hilarious...

...sometimes hilariously so. I got a good laugh out of rereading the last post on here from a year ago. All I wanted in that post was to feel something-the universe sure knows how to deliver. The last year has been one of the most emotion filled of my life.

My whole "thing" in that post from a year ago was the concern about how I was in a rut, and how I was going to break out of it, and where I was going, and how I wanted to feel something. The universe decided to step right on in and show me that there are bigger things than just me on my own. I wanted emotion, and feeling in my life, and I wanted it to be real and intense-turns out that you only get the real shit when you care for someone else more than yourself. 

Turns out that when you throw someone in the mix that you think is really cute, and kinda funny, your world sort of starts to turn a little bit differently. 

You've never liked the idea of "forever" with someone before, but now "for a long time" doesn't seem so scary. You've never liked being labeled, but now "girlfriend" has a nice ring to it. You've never liked being left out of the latest get together on the town, but now sweats and a movie is the highlight of your week. You've never even thought to look on Pinterest at the Weddings, Kids or Recipes boards, but now they're your most visited.

Then, once you're hooked, something happens and it's going to make or break this thing with this really cute person. The rose colored glasses come off and all of a sudden, all of their demons and really dark places are right there, staring you down. How much are you willing to gamble at that moment? How much are you willing to put on the line? How much faith do you have in them?

I just want to publicly tell the universe that when I asked to feel something last year I meant that I wanted to have a little crush on someone, or find some new cause to get involved in. 

Universe, you sure dropped the ball on this one...

There might be something to it....